Nick Canepa: SDSU needs a splashy hire to make ripples in college football, put butts in seats

Brady Hoke deserved to “retire.” Kind of like Caesar retired. “Et tu, J.D.?”

But then, he didn’t deserve the “hire back” in the first place.

Hoke was a bad hire back by San Diego State Athletic Director J.D. Wicker. Not for a lack of ability, but for what he did his first time around.

Interviewing for jobs during the final season (2010) of his first tenure (without permission) as Aztecs football coach, Hoke back-stabbed the university. A big-time no-no.

That he eventually got rehired — no doubt pushed on Wicker by buddy/predecessor Rocky Long — was an incredible, expensive mistake by a program without the funds to pay his even more incredible $5-million buyout (something obviously has been worked out).

Hoke eventually produced a boring, unwatchable product to show in a new theater. Working for a quarterback-famous college, he had a safety — no offense to Jalen Mayden, who tried his heart out — at QB.

Fortunately, Hoke could recruit kickers.

But I’m not going to get deeply into Hoke. He’s leaving soon, and as an alum who hated how he left for the Michigan dream job in 2011, that’s alright with me.

The future is what matters now — and how Wicker is going to figure it out in a short period of time.

Time. Time is the thing here. This isn’t 1990. Not 2020. NIL and the transfer portal have shaken the landscape. SDSU doesn’t have the wherewithal or the alumni sugar daddies to hand recruits millions.

So what does Wicker need? Splash. Not a ripple. Cannonball.

Colorado’s program was in far worse condition than State’s. What did it do? Hired Prime Sanders, a hall-of-fame player with a big name, and names can recruit. Deion wasn’t a ripple, he was Gibraltar taking a plunge.

The Mountain West could one day add Oregon State and Washington State, a definite upgrade, but where is the conference headed? It should rename itself the Pac-(pick a number). Whatever constitutes the opposite of hotcakes, that’s how the MW conference now sells.

I’m sure Wicker will interview the usual suspects and may hire a successful coach. But just winning doesn’t cut it here. Heck, prior to this season, Hoke won. Made bowl games. But that didn’t put rear ends into Snapdragon seats.

This is not a college town. Boring doesn’t work. The Padres were no more successful this season as they were in most of them, but late owner Peter Seidler spent hundreds of millions for stars. Stars mean box office. They set an attendance record.

This is not brain surgery because no brain is necessary. Wicker needs to hit one out.

Philip Rivers is coaching high school in Alabama. Drew Brees lives here often enough. What’s Marshall Faulk doing? There has to be a lot of people with local ties interested. Maybe not them, but what the hell? Try.

Jimbo Fisher had become the nation’s best recruiter at Texas A&M, and he got stars, but the team didn’t win. So? Sellouts helped pay for a part of his $86-million buyout.

Man, this is one tough hire. But Wicker has to understand that the way he knew no longer works — and, really, never worked here. He has to bend —180 degrees of bend. He has to find a coach who, for heaven’s sake, can recruit a quarterback to a university that, under Don Coryell, invented the modern collegiate passing game, and add dangerous skill players.

Flash. Dash, Thrills. Win or lose.

Hoke was making a living on 1980s football while the school was not.

Three yards ultimately choked and croaked in that cloud of dust. …

Suspended Jim Harbaugh may not coach championships (yet), but he is the best program builder since Marty Schottenheimer. …

And, if his suspension carries over to 2024, he’ll be back in the NFL, coaching for Fredo Spanos. …

Saw Michigan strip-sack the Maryland QB that became a touchdown. That’s what stealing signs does, I guess. …

The Smithsonian would ask for film of officials’ screw ups from Thursday night’s Ravens-Bengals affair, but fears children might see it. …

The underthrown pass interference (UPI) calls have become a big deal and some are intentional. QB throws a bad pass and gets rewarded. Roger, get your finger off the snooze button. …

Twelve men on the field for a field goal? After Buffalo’s stupid loss to the stinking Broncos, Bills coach Sean McDermott said: “I don’t know why our 13th guy wasn’t out there, but I’m gonna get to the bottom of it.” …

And so, as Rick Smith would say, Sean gives OC Ken Dorsey The Big Haircut? Was McDermott not Lombardi just last week? These are counterfeit Bills…

Josh Allen? I’ve seen Brett Favre, and you’re not Brett Favre. He is well on his way to being a great talent wasted. …

Best coaching job? Arizona’s Jedd Fisch. …

A German NFL crowd singing “Take Me Home, Country Roads” makes no sense. “Lieb Caroline,” maybe.——-

Man, the 49ers travel well. All those red shirts in Jacksonville. Guess the ferries to Alcatraz were booked. …

The Jags were the worst 6-2 team after they were the worst 5-2 team. …

The loneliest player on USC’s football team? Punt returner. The defense is a disgrace to one of the great programs. It’s mortalized Caleb Williams. …

Sideline reporter Charissa Thompson admits she’s made stuff up. Not that coaches ever say anything important coming off the field, but I find this unconscionable. It stinks. What, is she a politician? …

By the way, if they’re going to start posting odds on these fights in the U.S. Senate, I’m going with the Whip. …

Prediction: Baseball in Vegas won’t work. And tearing down the Tropicana for a ballpark? Shameful. …

A senior citizen once caught John Kruk smoking a cigarette after a game and admonished him. “Lady,” John replied, “I’m not an athlete. I’m a baseball player.” …

Arthur Schopenhauer said: “A high degree of intellect tends to make a man unsocial.” So, get lost. .,.

Just returned from a cruise. First thing I heard when I boarded ship: “This is your captain, Travis Kelce. Welcome aboard.” …

Taylor Swift is bringing her parents to Eagles-Chiefs. This could be the end of a beautiful friendship. …

How can’t Satchel Paige be the greatest pitcher? In 1965, throwing for the A’s, he retired nine of 10 Boston batters. He was 59 years of age.” Satch said he never threw an illegal pitch, “but every so often I’d throw one that ain’t been seen by this generation.” …

Just in time for the holidays, the Great North India Street Weed Forest has been shaved _ until it grows back. …

Draymond Green got a wrist slap for a dangerous choke hold. The NBA is to discipline what Vegas is to a smooth-running grand prix. …

RIP, Jean Zizzo, the sweetest of in-laws, a great Scot, wife and mother. We will miss her charm and wit. …

RIP, Bill “Sweet” Pinella, the nicest boss I ever had, a friend, a man of great patience, an editor who trusted his people to do their jobs. …

RIP, Dave Levy, an outstanding football coach at every level, one I greatly admired — even though his 1958 Long Beach Poly team beat my Cavers and Ezell Singleton in the SCIF playoffs. When Dave assisted Coryell with the Judases, we never spoke when I didn’t learn something…

A bad week.